Sorry , I know that the lighting in the picture is bad but there it is. The picture was taken as I was preparing for worship, it was a great experience, and i would gladly do it again.

Ok , I had mentioned before that I was NOT going to live by fear any more, I still feel very passionately about that, however guess I wasn’t  fully ready for the spiritual attack that I would be under. I am not ignorant, I know that satan would not be happy about my stand against him, and i knew that he would be all over me and everything in my life, but i still find my self caught off guard. My heart has slowly slipped out of God’s peaceful rest , back into the false reality of this dieing world. I have found myself focusing on JUNK, like over analyzing everything, secretly passing judgments on those close to me, making everything about me, and yes, I have noticed myself desiring to slip into a pity party. WHAT??? How did this happen, just a week ago I was flying high, I was unstoppable and NOTHING could bring me down. How can you go from one extreme to the other in just a matter of a few days? So i started to think back to what started this all, I found it , it all started Saturday. There I was all alone in my room, Josh had taken the kids out to the mall for the afternoon to give me some time to myself. I was having a blast all alone with not a sound in ears reach, it was so peaceful. i sat up at the computer to begin a writing project that God had been leading me to do, when I found myself distracted by someone out in the back yard. It was our friends that we are staying with, they were standing right next to scout’s run. They were talking about something, and then I realized that I hadn’t done poop patrol in weeks, I started freaking out. I started to worry that we are becoming a problem for them.  Living with friends is like walking on eggshells, not because of our friends or anything but because I don’t want to be a burden or ware out our welcome, I want to be a help. So any how I tried with all my heart to forget about it and continue with this awesome time to myself that Josh gave to me, but I couldn’t. Everything in me was nagging at me to do, do, do! So I spent the rest of my time that afternoon picking up dog poop and cleaning , cleaning everything. So the enemy shot flaming arrow of fear and lies, and since I was caught off guard one of them pierced me and it slowly began to poison every inch of me. it slowly spread to my weak areas first, and then it moved on to the things I love, and then to the things that are the most important to me. It is like I can see it clearly as if i am watching a movie of my heart. So how to I fix this, better yet how do i prevent this from happening again? There is no, one answer fits all kind of solution to fix the mess i have found myself in, it is always different and always changing, God is always moving there for so are his healing hands. This sort of thing is not always preventable ether, we are in the flesh after all and that sinful weight will trip us up here and there. The fact that we aren’t always on the ground is because of God’s grace, but God’s grace requires our openness and willingness to it , but far more than that it requires a lot of hard hard work on our part. Even then we will trip because we are not God, we NEED God. Ok so now what, I have no idea, but i am sure God does :) 

That’s whats on my mind today

~C