Friend in Friend

When I was a little girl there were not many good times, I felt most of my life was all about survival, physically , emoutionally, mentially, spiritually. I didn’t always have toys or friends and sometimes I didn’t even have food to eat. For some reason there are these fond memories saved in the depths of my heart, and it wasn’t when I was playing with the coolest toys or playing a fun game with lots of friends, no , it was when my sister and I would spend hours outside playing in the washington mountains. My parents moved us in to this condemned home when I was like 4 or 5, it was in the middle of no where but every day was an adventure. We made our own swing set with broken water hoses tied to trees, we picked berries all day so that mom would make us a Blackberry pie. Sometimes I would just lay my back to the ground and watch the clouds move and change, there is where I would let my mind wonder, where I would dream big.
What happened ? How did I get here, how did I get to be the adult that I have become. O what I would give to have that careless adventurous childs heart again. It seems that some where along the road of life we begin to confuse happiness and Joy with what we have or don’t have. Some where we are lied to of what success really is and how to grasp it. As well, our needs and others needs some how disapeared under the layers of wants, leaving everyone empty and starving.
As children we are probably the closest to the way God created us to be in our life time, we are pure, innocent, full of love, have yet to truly feel the sting of this dark & mean world. Every day the world teaches us how we are to think, how we are to feel, who we are suppose to be. And with that every day we grow further away from God’s beautiful creation and begin to take that shape of this world, we blend in , and in the processes of all of this we lose our self, our TRUE self, God’s creation.
BUT the ugliness of this world allows God’s True Beauty to shine as He reaches down from above to rescue us all. His rays of light are blinding and cleansing, warming even the coldest and blackest of hearts.

YEAH!!!!
We had a great weekend, friday we rented some movies (something that we hardly ever get to do). Saturday we went to another state park, by the way are all FREE NOW! It was a PERFECT day, we walked all around for like 2 hours, Scout loved it! We got back at like 3pm, kids went down for a late nap and then we all(Brown Fam & Barnhart Fam)went out to the Opry Land Mall and all had dinner at the Rain Forrest Cafe, All the kids loved it It was a late night thought, we didn’t get back until 11pm. Sunday we all were off to church bright and early @ 8:30am. Church was AWESOME as usual, then we came home for lunch ,kids took a nap, mom too:) Josh went to Nashville to get the last odds and ends from Ruby’s, We all ate dinner with Angela and the kids, put the kids to bed and watched a movie. Nothing super special or anything , but it was just a really great weekend.
Josh said something to me last night that made me really think, he said “How come you are more fun now then 6 months ago?” I didn’t really know what to say or the answer to his question, but it is funny though how the less I have the happier I am. I guess it goes to show that THINGS don’t make you happy AT ALL Also with less things you can see God so much more clearly and that is TRUE Security and TRUE Rest, Ha, with God taking care of all our problems what else is there left but FUN.
~C

Man last night was crazy, there was an evil spirit with us.
I have always been VERY sensitive to spiritual things, good or bad, I think that it might be a gift. Any how a couple of nights ago I started having really scary and evil nightmares, ones where my kids are taken from me by gothic evil looking people in all black. Other nightmares are when there is a really evil man after me, trying to kill me. I haven’t had nightmares like these in a long while and usually when i do have them they are because I had watched a scary movie the night before, but this time there was no scary movie. 3 nights ago Cayla started waking up in the night crying and screaming for me, she was so scared, so I just calmed her down and put her back to bed, and she would sleep the rest of the night through. Last night Cayla woke up at 4pm so scared again but this time was different, she would not calm down, she was hitting kicking and pushing us away like we were trying to hurt her. She wouldn’t stop screaming and crying. I did not know what to do, I was really starting to get worried. Josh told me to pray for her, so I started to pray that God would calm her down and that the fear in her would leave. She was still upset so Josh took her and walked with her for a little while trying to calm her, Josh started to pray for God to protect us from what ever evil presents was with us. It was crazy int the middle of his prayer Cayla finally Calmed down, so he put her in bed with us. Cadence woke up all through the night crying and we couldn’t get him to stop crying ether, So basically Josh and I were up all night, however I found it very interesting that after we prayed for protection over our family we all slept like babies until 7am (Josh was late for work). I know that it has all to do with the evil build up as halloween approaches. Good thing that my God is WAY bigger that all of this
Deut 33:27
“The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms; He will thrust out the enemy from before you, and will say,”Destroy!”

Well to day is another day,
yesterday I was really sick and Josh staid home to take care of the kids for me. What is up with these waves, it is like we just keep getting hit, I mean hit real hard. First hit was adjusting to the fact that we are going to have to share a room with our 2 kids and a dog for about a month, well that was a soft hit really. Then I was bit by fleas over 150 times all over my body, I was in such pain, I am so grateful to say that I have no more new bites, thank you Jesus! Then we just found out that they have NOT run the power lines out to the house yet, the closing date is only 8 days away!? Yeah so basically we’ll be lucky to move in the house at the first of November. Next hit, the kids got sick and have been now for over a week, so we are up all night long, NO Sleep here! Then to top it off I was hit with the same cold, that is the scariest thing for me cause I have to be able to take care of the kids. Today I am still feeling dizzy and out of it, but better, thank goodness!
Ok so now I am processing out loud: what is going on ??? I know that everything is a test, but We have never been tested back to back like this, so what does it all mean? God is in control of EVERYTHING, He is allowing all this for some reason. I feel that He is refining and preparing us for something, but WHAT??
Well on top of all our personal trial there is HUGE stuff going on with our church. About 3-4 weeks ago we met with Pastor Tim & Lloyd(who is no longer in the church)and talked with them about how we have felt God really leading us to some sort of leadership in the church. They said that they would be prayerful about it and be seeking God of where He wants us in the church. We said until then we want to help in any way that we can, fill in holes where ever. Then there was the meeting after church a week or so later, where a huge chunk of the church left. Yeah I know that it sounds and looks bad, BUT God has really comforted my heart about the appearance of things, God is working in HUGE ways, sometimes you have to prune off the dead or un fruitful branches so that the tree can truly flourish, that is all this is. So there is HUGE stuff going on with our church, and we feel that God is calling us to be part of the rebuild of this church.
So back to the waves, they are coming in harder and faster, so that only means that we are getting really close to the purpose of all of this. The one really cool thing with all of these waves is that there is NOTHING that we ourselves can do to stay afloat, God is the only one who can save us from these waves. God is good, and you will never hear from my heart anything BUT. Well the kids are awake now and crying so now my day begins……. God give me you STRENGTH!!!

~C

God is so so good to me and my family.
Cadence is really sick and we are starting to get a little worried, he is not even a year old yet. We are taking him to the doctor to day to see what is wrong. On top of that I was starting to feel a little overwhelmed with our current situation (sharing a room with our kids and a dog), missing that special connection with my husband because of the lack of alone time, every minuit we are awake and in the same room with each other it’s with the kids. Also I am having a hard time with not having a place to just BE, to be alone, a quiet place to connect with God again. I have nothing, God has completely striped everything away, at this point all we have to rest in and fall on is GOD. We have NO norm, every day is different and unpredictable, No routine here. It is like right when I think that I have figured out something that works we are hit with something that knock us to the ground. The distance is really starting to effect my heart with our small group, I guess I am just feeling like our very foundation is falling apart,………….. and then God speaks!

Daily Light
“His…bread will be given him, his water will be sure.”
“The ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning, and bread and meat in the evening; and he drank from the brook.”
“My God shall supply all you need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”
“Be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will NEVER leave you or forsake you.”
“He humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna… that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord.”
Isa 33:16
1Kings 17:6
Phill 4:19
Heb 13:5Deut 8:3

Like I said before God is soooo good to me and my family. He knows my every thought and every fear and my every burden and need, He always meets me right where I am. His words spoke to the very depths of my heart and has comforted me. I don’t know how long we will be where we are at now but I know that all my needs will be met and in that promise I will find peace with Right NOW, Right NOW is good. My God is enough for me.
~C

Ok so I have this close friend, we’ll call her sara, and something is just not right. I have felt this way for some time now, and I have mentioned these feelings to her in the past a few times, how ever she was very convincing and said nothing was wrong so I left it alone. This same feeling keeps coming back to me over and over again, it’s like I can’t put my finger on the problem, there is just something funky with her heart, I can just feel it. We have been very open with each other in the past, but for some reason this time is different, there are walls up now that were not there before. I feel so stuck, because my wounded flesh says to just let it go so that I won’t be rejected. On the other hand my heart says that is is NOT about me and I need to help her. I am feeling that she is not in a very receptive place right now, she has a hardness on her heart that has come out of no where. So basically if I take this huge step in accountability with her, our friendship more than likely will be over. On the other side of this, If I sit back and keep this from her and anything should happen I would have HUGE guilt on my heart, and I would have FAILED her.

So my question is:
Is this nudge on my heart God pushing me to do His will, Is it God wanting to refine Sara, Is it God wanting to test and grow me? Or is it silly EMOTIONS?

I know that God’s way will always bring Healing, Growth, Happiness, PEACE. However I know that my flesh can’t be trusted and has been known to be in the way of important matters in the past. Just processing my thoughts. I love Sara and I truly care about her and I just want her to be happy and healthy. Those are my thoughts today
~C

Spiritual attack, blessing, growth, brokenness, GREATNESS!

All of the above I say
There is so much going on right now it makes my head spin. In the midst of all this craziness God shouts to my heart loud and CLEAR!

Our Church:
God is doing a HUGE work, I see Him so clearly. He is pulling back those who have done their service and sending them to where they are NOW needed. He is calling on others to step up and put their training into practice.
It’s about His mission, His purpose, His WILL! It is not about US, it is NOT about the details of who said this or has done that. It is all about God and fallowing the calling that he has put on our hearts.
Focus is key, to many people are looking back, standing still and waiting for all the answers (and they will NEVER come). Faith is moving forward WITHOUT all the answers, and that is where we ALL need to be in order to be able to move forward. I am just so EXCITED about our church RIGHT NOW, I know that God has it right where it NEEDS to be.