Friend in Friend

Woman of the well
At sunrise you wake
O how you thirst
But where is your jug?

Woman of the well
Quick find your jug
Quench your thirst
Wet your face

Woman of the well
There is your jug!
Empty
For you already drank your fill

O dear, poor woman of the well

Day after day
Thirst after thirst
Fill it you will
To drink yet never be full
Woman of the well

Heavy is your burden of the jug
Lift it up
Carry it quick
To your well of Jacob
O woman of the well

Another dip
Deep deep you go
Deeper then before
More work yet less water
Poor woman of the well

Drink now think later
Quench your deep thirst
A thirst that never leaves
A thirst that is never full
Woman of the well

Of the well you are
Of the well you choose to fill
A well that will soon end
What will you do then?
Where will you go then?
O beloved, woman of the well

~C

Yesterday was a hard day, I guess for the most part we walk around choosing to see things the way we want to, not really opening our eyes to the reality of what IS. Josh and I have really been led over the past months to the great importance and responsibility of teaching our children to fallow the LORD. To teach them in the Holy Scriptures, to teach them Honor and Respect and most of all Obedience to the LORD through Obedience to us their parents.

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"If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:31,32)

O how we continue to neglect one of the greatest gifts ever given us, what could be greater then to know the heart of God, our Creator? It is crazy to think how many copies of Gods word are in this world and how few are ever read, and yet it is the only one worth reading because it is the only one that is living and breathing. Gods word is TRUTH, all Truth, that is promised to set us free, what more is there to say? except Thank You

God is so GOOD!

~C

TODAY!

I have really grown to love this little place in the country that we have made home. I love every inch of this house, it’s not much in the eyes of others, but in my eyes it’s priceless. 2.5 years ago I began to pray for a house, and the Lord has answered my prayers in every little detail through this place, to me it is one of the most amazing blessings. I think of all the memories, all the friends and family we have been able to love on in and through these walls, there is my sister Jen, probably my most fondest memories of them all. God did amazing things in her time here, in her and in us. All the bonfires, at times we have had up to 50 people gathered together around that fire, my very favorite times though are the times when it was just a few of us lifting our hearts to the Lord in song. All the many meals we have shared under this roof, and I will cherish each and every one of them. It’s crazy , it feels as though I have waited forever for this place, and now I have to leave it so soon. So far every season has been better then the one before it, so I can only imagine what awaits us in Colorado. God has family every where after all, I’ll just have to make new memories as we meet and get to know more of our family.

Tears of sadness and tears of Joy.

~C

I am so grateful for praying friends, thank you all who have been praying, our prayers have been heard and answered!
God is so good , more then we will ever know, and not because he gives us what we need or think we need, but because he gives us what we most certainly do not deserve. I am humbled at the incredible amount of grace he can and will shower over just a single person, how could I ever in this life time show him the love that he deserves for all that he does?

1John 5:3-5
This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.

We will obey!
How true it is when it says that “his commands are not burdensome.”
for the past year we have been ready, ready for what ever God would ask of us, in fact even impatient. We have been restless, he has not allowed our roots to dig in deep here, just been in a place of waiting for what seems forever, until now!
God started to speak! Loud and clear about 2 or 3 months ago, he began to draw our hearts to a new place for a new season, the wait was well worth it! My family and I will be moving to Colorado! After 2 good solid months of praying and tons of conformation, Sunday morning he gave us our time frame, Spring, this spring! We are excited, God will have to move mountains for this to happen, just more opportunity for Gods glory to shine, and our faith to be continually increased and strengthened.

So again I say thank you for your prayers!
I will try to keep you all posted during this transition.
God is so GOOD!!

~C

O how incredibly important it is to have friends, to have true friends, and the only true friends are the ones who love us enough to say the things that hurt us the most. Shame on us all who have not been that friend to others, or have turned our backs to that friend when they came boldly to save us form ourselves. They are a treasure unlike any on this side of heaven, we are foolish to see them as anything less.

This morning The Lord really convicted me of this very thing, there have been several times over the past 2 years where God has clearly told me to confront and expose sin in the lives of those close to me, and I did not. At the time I guess I chose to take the easy road, I chose to believe the lies that demons threw my way, and I chose to doubt that God is good. The other day I was broken as I caught a glimpse of the bitter rotten fruit that these loved ones now bear because of their un repentant sin, that they still don’t even see, the same sin that I was told to expose. My disobedience has caused people that i love to suffer. I have failed as a friend.

Hebrews 3:12-14
Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called ‘today’, that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. For we share in Christ if in deed we hold our original confidence firm to the end.”

This is an evil world and we live in sinful flesh, what chance do we have against that without Godly praying obedient friends?

It’s not really a matter of IF we’ll sin, but WHEN, and when we are in sin it blinds us, it is seeking to lead us to the very gates of Hell if allowed, and with out us even knowing. God is so good and full of grace that he continually gives us opportunities to make right what we have made wrong, through him it is never to late.

I just happened to check a dear friends blog today, and it encouraged me greatly. She shared her heart of this very thing, true accountability. She is a true friend, she loved enough to do what is often the hardest thing to do, hold her friend accountable to the Lord. I don’t know who her friend is or what sin was exposed, but I do know that her boldness to speak the truth is a rare treasure, any person so foolish to turn from a friend such as this is not worthy of them. Thank you for sharing your heart dear friend, I am encouraged and reminded that it is never to late to be a TRUE friend!

~C

Prayer request:
Pray for Josh and I wisdom and discernment for today and the coming weeks, God is moving so fast that we will need extra clarity to be able to discern between the Lords will and our own selfish desires.
Thank you all in advance!

~C

She is 2 months old! She is so beautiful, and truly a blessing form the Lord. The beautiful thing is that I seem to fall in love more deeply with each child, or maybe it is the calling of motherhood that I’m falling for. Life is good right now yet uncertain, we are on the edge of change , I can feel it. Ever since Annikka was born things have been moving, God has been changing our hearts in amazing ways, leading us to things that are the very opposite to who we have always been.

My husband started training for a triathlon, that is amazing to me. Before my eyes I am seeing this man that I have known for 8 years transform into a new man, not just physically but his spiritual strength and endurance is going far beyond the comforts of idleness. It has only been 9 weeks, it just blows me away in what the Lord can do in only 9 weeks with a willing soul.

The Lord is beginning to open and close doors and that is exciting yet scary at the same time. Who knows what is around the corner, only good for sure
~C

Well I have 3 days left until I have this child, I am nervous, not just about the delivery and all the pain and things, but there is something so different about this pregnancy and this child. Our journey with this little girl all started in the fall of 2007, God had placed a burden on me and Josh’s heart to create a Nation, to no longer get in the way / controling the size of our family. He told us to lay this at his feet, to trust him in it fully, and he would provide and do amazing things through our faith and obedience in him. Well after MUCH prayer and much confirmation and lots encouragement we stepped into this call. A month later, in November we conceived Annikka. There has been SOOOO much spiritual warfare surrounding this child, as well as so much refining in Josh and I, leading to brokenness and a surrendering to the Lord of so many things that had been in the way, holding us down, things that were standing between us and our Lord Jesus Christ.

Soon after we stepped into this call he started telling us to do something even more crazy, to let go of our family and our church in Tennessee, he told us that he is leading us to a new season that will be better then the season before, if we will trust him. I mourned over this for months, not about leaving the church (my heart had checked out a long time ago), but about all the close friends that i love dearly. Just like before , with much prayer and LOTS of confirmation, we let go, my last Sunday was Easter Sunday, interesting.

SO much has happened since that Easter Sunday, more then i could ever write down, and i am sure much more then I am even aware of myself. It has been like walking into a great heavenly feast, I guess you don’t realize how starved and thirsty you have been until you eat and drink your fill of the fullness of the Lord.

With all of this going on I hardly even realized I was pregnant, crazy enough, I have had little or no discomfort through the entire pregnancy, seriously! Josh’s Mom said that she thinks it is the Lord’s love and mercy on me for my obedience, maybe it is cause it is nothing I have done.

Only a month or so later, late spring, God started to reveal more about this child, he gave us her name! Josh and I were up late one night talking and out of the blue we started to discuss what we should name this child, Josh had about 3 different names he favored and i had about the same. Josh really really felt led to the Hebrew name Annikka, meaning Grace, because of all the amazing Grace that the Lord has showered us with recently. Then we started talking about this new season he is leading us into, and how it has been all about being broken of our selfishness and surrendering it to the Lord. Truly being taught what it means to pick up your cross and fallow Christ, to be a disciple of Christ, and to leave our old self behind, to be born again. “The Grace To Be Born Again,” I just kept hearing that ringing in my mind as we were talking, Then a memory of my real Dad once telling me that my middle name Renee means born again popped into my head, so I ran to this name book I had and looked it up. Sure enough Renee means To be born again, there it is, her name, Annikka Renee, a marker of what the Lord is doing in our family and the promise that he will complete this work in us.

We were overwhelmed and still are. So I wait for her arrival in three days, excited yet nervous, what will she be like, what will the Lord do in her life as she grows to know Him, what will he teach us through her? I am ever so greatful, and i will never understand God’s loving grace that he would choose us for anything. I am humbled to my face yet my feet feel as if they are off the ground, there is something so special happening and i just can’t wait to see it all!

~C

‘I’m proof that hope is never lost’

By Josh Hamilton (as told to Tim Keown)
ESPN The Magazine

Updated: July 5, 2007

To let you know how far I’ve come, let me tell you where I’ve been.

Not that long ago, there were nights I went to sleep in strange places praying I wouldn’t wake up. After another night of bad decisions, I’d lie down with my heart speeding inside my chest like it was about to burst through the skin. My thinking was clouded, and my talent was one day closer to being totally wasted.

I prayed to be spared another day of guilt and depression and addiction. I couldn’t continue living the life of a crack addict, and I couldn’t stop, either. It was a horrible downward spiral that I had to pull out of, or die. I lay there — in a hot and dirty trailer in the North Carolina countryside, in a stranger’s house, in the cab of my pickup — and prayed the Lord would take me away from the nightmare my life had become.

When I think of those terrible times, there’s one memory that stands out. I was walking down the double-yellow of a two-lane country highway outside Raleigh when I woke up out of a trance.

I was so out of it I had lost consciousness, but my body had kept going, down the middle of the road, cars whizzing by on either side. I had run out of gas on my way to a drug dealer’s house, and from there I left the truck and started walking. I had taken Klonopin, a prescription antianxiety drug, along with whatever else I was using at the time, and the combination had put me over the edge. It’s the perfect example of what I was: a dead man walking.

And now, as I stand on the green grass of a major league outfield or walk to the batter’s box with people cheering for me, I repeatedly ask myself one simple question: How did I get here from there?

I’ve been in the big leagues as a member of the Cincinnati Reds for half a season, but I still find myself taking off my cap between pitches and taking a good look around. The uniform, the ballparks, the fans — it doesn’t seem real. How am I here? It makes no sense to anybody, and I feel almost guilty when I have to tell people, over and over, that I can’t answer that one simple question.

I go to sleep every night with a clear mind and a clear conscience. Every day, I walk into an immaculate clubhouse with 10 TVs and all the food I can eat, a far cry from the rat-infested hellholes of my user past. I walk to my locker and change into a perfectly clean and pressed uniform that someone else hung up for me. I grab a bat and a glove and walk onto a beautifully manicured field to play a game for a living.

How am I here? I can only shrug and say, “It’s a God thing.” It’s the only possible explanation.

There’s a reason my prayers weren’t answered during those dark, messed-up nights I spent scared out of my mind. There’s a reason I have this blessed and unexpected opportunity to play baseball and tell people my story.

My wife, Katie, told me this day would come. At my lowest point, about three years ago, when I was wasting away to skin and bones and listening to nobody, she told me I’d be back playing baseball someday. She had no reason to believe in me. During that time, I did nothing to build my body and everything to destroy it. I’d go five or six months without picking up a ball or swinging a bat. By then, I’d been in rehab five or six times — on my way to eight — and failed to get clean. I was a bad husband and a bad father, and I had no relationship with God. Baseball wasn’t even on my mind.

And still Katie told me, “You’re going to be back playing baseball, because there’s a bigger plan for you.” I couldn’t even look her in the eye. I said something like, “Yeah, yeah, quit talking to me.”

She looks pretty smart, doesn’t she? I have a mission now. My mission is to be the ray of hope, the guy who stands out there on that beautiful field and owns up to his mistakes and lets people know it’s never completely hopeless, no matter how bad it seems at the time. I have a platform and a message, and now I go to bed at night, sober and happy, praying I can be a good messenger.

Addiction is a humbling experience. Getting it under control is even more humbling. I got better for one reason: I surrendered. Instead of asking to be bailed out, instead of making deals with God by saying, “If you get me out of this mess, I’ll stop doing what I’m doing,” I asked for help. I wouldn’t do that before. I’d been the Devil Rays’ No. 1 pick in the 1999 draft, supposedly a five-tool prospect. I was a big, strong man, and I was supposed to be able to handle my problems myself. That didn’t work out so well.

Every day I’m reminded that my story is bigger than me. It never fails. Every time I go to the ballpark, I talk to people who are either battling addictions themselves or trying to help someone else who is. Who talks to me? Just about everybody. I walked to the plate to lead off an inning in early May, minding my own business, when the catcher jogged out to the mound to talk to his pitcher. As I was digging in, the home plate umpire (I’m intentionally not naming him) took off his mask and walked around the plate to brush it off. He looked up at me and said, “Josh, I’m really pulling for you. I’ve fought some battles myself, and I just want you to know I’m rooting for you.”

A father will tell me about his son while I’m signing autographs. A mother will wait outside the players’ parking lot to tell me about her daughter. They know where I’ve been. They look to me because I’m proof that hope is never lost.

They remind me that this isn’t really about baseball. It’s amazing that God allowed me to keep my baseball talents after I sat out three years and played only 15 games last season in A-ball. On May 6, I hit two homers against the Rockies at home, and I felt like I did in high school. I felt like I could do anything on the field.

I’ve been called the biggest surprise in baseball this year, and I can’t argue with that. If you think about it, how many people have gone from being a crack addict to succeeding at anything, especially something as demanding as major league baseball? If I hadn’t been picked up by the Reds after the Rule 5 draft, which opened up a major league roster spot for me, I’d probably still be in A-ball. Instead, I’m hanging around .270 with 13 homers through 60 games with Cincinnati; not bad for a 26-year-old major league rookie. But the way I look at it, I couldn’t fail. I’ve been given this platform to talk about the hell I’ve been through, so it’s almost like I need to do well, like I don’t have a choice.

This may sound crazy, but I wouldn’t change a thing about my path to the big leagues. I wouldn’t even change the 26 tattoos that cover so much of my body, even though they’re the most obvious signs of my life temporarily leaving the tracks. You’re probably thinking, Bad decisions and addiction almost cost him his life, and he wouldn’t change anything? But if I hadn’t gone through all the hard times, this whole story would be just about baseball. If I’d made the big leagues at 21 and made my first All-Star team at 23 and done all the things expected of me, I would be a big-time baseball player, and that’s it.

Baseball is third in my life right now, behind my relationship with God and my family. Without the first two, baseball isn’t even in the picture. Believe me, I know.

***** I’LL NEVER forget Opening Day in Cincinnati. When they called my name during introductions and a sellout crowd stood and cheered, I looked into the stands and saw Katie and our two kids — Sierra, who’s nearly 2, and my 6-year-old stepdaughter, Julia — and my parents and Katie’s parents. I had to swallow hard to keep from breaking down right there. They were all crying, but I had to at least try to keep it together.

I pinch-hit in the eighth inning of that game against the Cubs, and Lou Piniella decided to make a pitching change before I got to the plate. The crowd stood and cheered me for what seemed like forever. It was the best sound I’ve ever heard. When I got into the box, Cubs catcher Michael Barrett looked up at me from his crouch and said, “You deserve it, Josh. Take it all in, brother. I’m happy for you.” I lined out to left, but the following week I got my first start and my first hit — a home run.

Whether I hit two bombs or strike out three times, like I did in a game against the Pirates, I never forget that I’m living with addiction. It’s just part of my life. Johnny Narron, my former manager’s brother, is a big part of my recovery. He’s the Reds’ video coordinator, and he once coached me in fall baseball when I was 15. He looks after me on the road. When they pass out meal money before a trip — always in cash — they give mine to Johnny, and he parcels it out to me when I need it.

I see no shame in that; it’s just one of the realities of my situation. I don’t need to be walking around with $400 in my pocket.

I know I’m different, and my teammates have been very accepting. Being a rookie in the big leagues, there are certain rituals involved, and one of them is carrying beer onto the plane. My teammates gave me that job on one of the first road trips, and I didn’t do it. I didn’t think it would be a good idea for me to be seen carrying beer onto a plane. They respected my decision.

I get a lot of abuse in visiting cities, but it only bothers me when people are vulgar around kids. The rest I can handle. Some of it is even funny. In St. Louis, I was standing in rightfield when a fan yelled, “My name is Josh Hamilton, and I’m a drug addict!” I turned around and looked at him with my palms raised to the sky. “Tell me something I don’t know, dude,” I said. The whole section started laughing and cheering, and the heckler turned to them and said, “Did you hear that? He’s my new favorite player.” They cheered me from that point on.

I live by a simple philosophy: Nobody can insult me as much as I’ve insulted myself. I’ve learned that I have to keep doing the right things and not worry about what people think. Fortunately, I have a strong support group with Katie, my family and Johnny. If I ever get in a bad situation, I know I would have to get out of it and give Johnny a call. The key is not getting myself into those situations, but we’ve talked about having a plan for removing myself just in case. It’s all part of understanding the reality of the addiction.

In spring training, when I hit over .400 and made the team, there was a lot of interest in my story.

I decided to be open about what happened to me; early on, I was doing long interviews before my first game in every city. It’s been amazing how people have responded, and I think being honest helped. I can’t avoid my past, so I don’t try. It’s not always easy, though. I got sick in late May and ended up on the disabled list after going to the hospital with a stomach problem, and I knew I’d have to answer questions about whether I was using again. I can’t control what people think, but the years of drug abuse tore up my immune system pretty good. I get tested three times a week, and if it comes back positive, I know I’m done with baseball for life.

Aside from our struggles as a team, this season has been a dream for me. And that’s fitting, because in a way I had to learn how to dream all over again. When I was using, I never dreamed. I’d sleep the dead, dreamless sleep of a stalled brain. When I stopped using, I found my dreams returned. They weren’t always good dreams; most of the ones I remember were haunting and dark. They stayed with me long after I woke up.

Within my first week of sobriety in October 2005 — after I showed up at my grandmother’s house in Raleigh in the middle of the night, coming off a crack binge — I had the most haunting dream. I was fighting the devil, an awful-looking thing. I had a stick or a bat or something, and every time I hit the devil, he’d fall and get back up. Over and over I hit him, until I was exhausted and he was still standing.

I woke up in a sweat, as if I’d been truly fighting, and the terror that gripped me makes that dream feel real to this day. I’d been alone for so long, alone with the fears and emotions I worked so hard to kill. I’m not embarrassed to admit that after I woke up that night, I walked down the hall to my grandmother’s room and crawled under the covers with her. The devil stayed out of my dreams for seven months after that. I stayed clean and worked hard and tried to put my marriage and my life back together. I got word in June 2006 that I’d been reinstated by Major League Baseball, and a few weeks afterward, the devil reappeared.

It was the same dream, with an important difference. I would hit him and he would bounce back up, the ugliest and most hideous creature you could imagine. This devil seemed unbeatable; I couldn’t knock him out. But just when I felt like giving up, I felt a presence by my side. I turned my head and saw Jesus, battling alongside me. We kept fighting, and I was filled with strength. The devil didn’t stand a chance.

You can doubt me, but I swear to you I dreamed it. When I woke up, I felt at peace. I wasn’t scared. To me, the lesson was obvious: Alone, I couldn’t win this battle. With Jesus, I couldn’t lose.

***** I GET cravings sometimes, and I see it as the devil trying to catch me in a weak moment. The best thing I can do is get the thought out of my mind as soon as I can, so it doesn’t turn into an obsession. When it happens, I talk to him. I talk to the devil and say, “These are just thoughts, and I’m not going to act on them.” When I talk like that, when I tell him he’s not going to get the best of me, I find the thought goes away sooner.

Believe it or not, talking to the devil is no harder to explain than many other experiences I’ve had since that day last December when my life changed. I was working for my brother’s tree service in Raleigh, sending limbs through a chipper, when I found out I’d been selected by the Cubs and traded to the Reds in the Rule 5 draft.

But there is one story that sticks with me, so much so that I think of it every day. I was driving out of the players’ parking lot at Great American Ball Park after a game in May, with Katie and our two girls. There’s always a group of fans standing at the curb, hoping to get autographs, and I stop to sign as many as I can.

And on this particular night, a little boy of about 9 or 10, wearing a Reds cap, handed me a pen and something to sign. Nothing unusual there, but as I was writing the boy said, “Josh, you’re my savior.”

This stopped me. I looked at him and said, “Well, thank you. Do you know who my savior is?”

He thought for a minute. I could see the gears turning. Finally, he smiled and blurted out, “Jesus Christ.” He said it like he’d just come up with the answer to a test. “That’s exactly right,” I said.

You see, I may not know how I got here from there, but every day I get a better understanding of why.

~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~`

Last night My husband Josh and I watched this man break every home run record at the 2008 all star home run derby (28 home runs!) , when interviewed on the field he simply said that Everything he has been able to do is because of his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!
Side note , he did not win the derby, If you want to know all the details of last nights derby I am sure you can find it online, but it’s not really important.

It blows me away how God takes the broken thrown away people of this world and breathes life into them again, giving them abilities, strengths and wisdom beyond understanding. And He simply does it for the glory of it all!

~C