Friend in Friend

The new Target in spring hill opened a month or so ago, we went opening day, it was crazy the entire town came and packed it out! Nothing really special , it’s just another store, but something hit me when we were there, out of the hundreds of people that were there we didn’t recognize even one face. We have lived in Spring Hill for almost a year and a half now and we didn’t even know our neighbors, that is when it really hit me, something is not right with this picture, where did we go wrong?
We as believers are called to be a light to the world, a beacon of hope to the hopeless. I believe with all my heart that the Lord called us to Spring Hill, so of course Spring Hill should be our mission field, I guess we have been so busy holding on to the past we have been missing what God has for us to do here and now.
2 Weeks ago we moved from our old Church in Franklin to an awesome church here in Spring Hill, and it is so crazy what God has done in only 2 weeks, God has began to lead us to the people he wants us to be the light to. This is so new for me because Josh and I have always lived in this little Christian bubble, all our friends have always been for the most part like minded, listening to christian music, the works, and it has always been a safe place where God has truly grown us. This new season is so different, the Lord continues to lead us to the lost, the broken hearted, and to the seekers. In 2 weeks we have met all of our neighbors, not just the people who live right next to us but people who live all up and down our street, and others who live in our community. It is shocking to me that any of them would want to hang out with us , we are so different, but God is drawing them to us. I have been given eyes to see them and a heart to love them, I am seeing the almighty power of God.
So we went to Target last night to pick up a few things and we ran into to 5 people we now know, how great it is to be in God’s will, everything just seems to make since in life.
~C

Wow, where am I at today? It has been a while since I last shared my thoughts, it is hard getting used to the internet again, I guess I kind of forget about it.

Things are getting better from the last entry, not that my circumstances have changed at all but I guess it is my understanding. It is crazy how limited our understanding really is, what is far more crazy is that most of the time we walk around thinking we have things figured out.

3 years ago I remembered walking into this old building one morning, with my husband and baby girl, I had no idea that what I would find inside would be home, a beautiful home and family that I had never known. After that morning my life truly began to grow in ways I had never known, I was loved and I learned to love. I gained sisters and brothers that are closer to me then my own real family. I learned to trust, to forgive, I found Joy. I gained strength to stop running from what I feared most, and learned to fight for what I love and hold dear. There were births and birthdays, hugs and fights, laughs and tears. So how do I move on from that, how do I let that go?

I believe with all my heart that we are created for change, for growth, always being molded into something, never finished until the end you know. So why is this so hard?
For months my heart has been changing towards this place that I have called home, in some places I had begun to feel suffocated and others places I had started to feel so alone and lost, it was as if I no longer fit. I have been fighting it, holding on to what this place had once been to me, hoping to somehow find it again. Fear crept in, the thought of leaving it behind was more then I could handle, until one morning PT gave a message about this very thing. “What was God up to,” I thought, with fear and curiosity rising, part of me wanted to know and the other part of me wanted to ignore it. God was and is always up to something, and what that something is is always the same, continually drawing us to him self through change. Old Things have to die so that new things can live. In every season every place in life we eventually reach a dead end, we have to keep moving in order to drink from the water of life.

In PT’s message he said something that shocked me until he explained; he said that even holding on to the good things can hold us back from what He has for us to do now. Those words that he spoke that morning were the very words of God for my heart.
So me and my family finally got the courage to step out in faith, a few months ago we hung out with a new body of believers and it was a breath of fresh air, it felt as if I had been starving and found my self at an overflowing banquet. It wasn’t that this was THE place, but more of confirmation that he is calling us to a new season, a season that will be even better then the one before. We have continued to fellowship with this new body for the past month and I find myself holding back, still fighting the change a little, I am still trying to find that place of letting go, not the family but the old memories.
We have been at such a torn place because we have had one foot in one place and one foot in another, mostly because of our burden to serve the kids and family we have grown to love.
God has called us to love Him with all our heart mind soul and strength first, I don’t know what that fully looks like but I think that we are taking a step in the right direction. I am afraid and I am so sad, yet I am being renewed through it all.
Our lives are in the midst of great change, I have no idea what or where we will go and I guess that is the point, we are fallowing God’s lead, He is the good shepherd and will lead us to green pastures and beside still waters, I will hold on to that.

God has always marked our seasons and steps of faith with new life, as this new life is being formed inside me I will remember what He has done, what He has brought us through and trust that where He is taking us now will be a perfect fit!

~C

Psalms 81:8-12

“Hear, O my people, and I will warn you– if you would but listen to me, O Israel! You shall have no foreign god among you; you shall not bow down to an alien god. I am the Lord your God, who brought you up out of Egypt.

Open wide your mouth and I will fill it.

But my people would not listen to me; Israel would not submit to me.

So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts to follow their own devices.”

Wow it has been almost a year of no internet, as crazy as it sounds I had a hard time signing back up. I have seen a whole new side of life that years of distractions have hidden. However i have missed keeping in touch with all my friends and family. you winn some, you loose some.

I’ll start it off with a BANG, well at least it was for me.

Cadence is such a creative little boy, so yeah i walked into his room where he was playing and found him laughing and jumping on his bed, having a good o”ll time. He decided to decorate his walls with his personal stash of paint, POOP! It was every where, hand print all over the walls, all over his and caylas bedding, chunks of poop on the floor, and a nice little pile on his pillow. It was all over his arms and legs and FACE! His room smelt so bad I nearly lost it s few times. O how I wish I could say that this was just a one time deal, but he did it last week too! Funny , the second time was a lot easer to laugh at then the first. He was just so proud of himself about the whole thing.

Any who, thats it for now.

~C

Life is really hard right now, things aren’t great, there seems to be so much pressure to be strong for everyone. To be really honest, I am scared, I am lonely, and i am weak. There is pressure every where to be everything for everyone and right now i simply have nothing to offer. Josh and i have been in a really bad financial trial, I mean really bad, several things have been shut off, one being our internet (In a coffee shop right now),as well as a month behind in our mortgage.The worst part of this trial is not the lack of money to pay the bills , but the lack of support , I know part of the problem is me, because i haven’t been real about my needs to people who could be there for me, ok well maybe it is more me then i realize. Maybe that is why God has burdened my heart to write this, I know that it is not my burden to carry  but the great fear of being vulnerable , appearing needy, and being weak is overwhelming. On top of everything Josh just told me yesterday that the transmission in his truck is nearly done, and the AC went out a month ago. I Truly TRUST God to provide all our needs but the loneliness is the hard part. I honestly could be ok with being poor for the rest of my life as long as i am rich in relationships, being in relationships with people who truly care is what life is all about, and it is one of the only things that make hard times not so hard.

This trial is really such a blessing, crazy I know, but God has striped every comfort possible, and through that He has revealed amazing TRUTHS to me through the lies of comfort that we live and breathe. Hey this trial is getting me to be real, that has got to count for something.

It is crazy how much freedom I have already been given in just the few minutes that I have been writing.

Who knows what the future holds, the one thing I do know is that the God i love and serve  is the same today as He was yesterday, GOOD!!
God works everything out for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose. (Rom 8:28)

hey, not sure when I will be back, so good bye for now, I hope you are all well

~C

Yeah , so there has been a lot of crazy things happening lately, a lot of spiritual things. God has really been exposing the enemies deception in my life this past week or so. I think it is because I have really been deep in God’s word for the past month, I am not sure if it is more spiritual attack then usual or that my blinders have been removed this week. It is crazy how when you keep in God’s word daily, how it completely changes the way you see everything.
I am usually a verse reader, you know when you are trying to make a point to someone, or encourage someone, or shoot, encourage yourself. We go to the back of the bible, look up a word that describes what we need in a scripture, and then just read that tinny little scripture and read only that, ok well that is me. It is nuts how much I missed doing that. Until last month, I just felt led to read it as a story, a lot of the prompting that God was putting on my heart came through PJ’s (pastor Jamie) style of teaching.
I have received so much wisdom and discernment as well in this past month, I don’t know, it is just really cool.  Yeah , so I haven’t really been writing at all much, I have been focusing on LISTENING, listening to God , to His story, and the convictions that He has been putting on my heart through them. Good stuff, so that is it for now

~C

I have been reading the new testament in the message for the past couple weeks, I am in Luke now , and by the way Luke is an Awesome writer! Any how, I came across chapter 11 and found myself like YEAH!!!! Ok so in Chapter 11 it starts out by Jesus healing a mute man possessed by a demon, the crowd wanted something more, a bigger miracle to prove that He is the Son of God, Jesus knew what they were thinking, then the crowd began to accuse Him of being a demon Himself. Jesus then spoke a bunch of parables addressing their accusations, but what Jesus did next was AWESOME!!!!

LUKE 11:37-54
37 When he finished that talk, a Pharisee asked him to dinner. He entered his house and sat right down at the table. 38 The Pharisee was shocked and somewhat offended when he saw that Jesus didn’t wash up before the meal. 39 But the Master said to him, “I know you Pharisees burnish the surface of your cups and plates so they sparkle in the sun, but I also know your insides are maggoty with greed and secret evil. 40 Stupid Pharisees! Didn’t the One who made the outside also make the inside? 41 Turn both your pockets and your hearts inside out and give generously to the poor; then your lives will be clean, not just your dishes and your hands. 42 “I’ve had it with you! You’re hopeless, you Pharisees! Frauds! You keep meticulous account books, tithing on every nickel and dime you get, but manage to find loopholes for getting around basic matters of justice and God’s love. Careful bookkeeping is commendable, but the basics are required. 43 “You’re hopeless, you Pharisees! Frauds! You love sitting at the head table at church dinners, love preening yourselves in the radiance of public flattery. 44 Frauds! You’re just like unmarked graves: People walk over that nice, grassy surface, never suspecting the rot and corruption that is six feet under.” 45 One of the religion scholars spoke up: “Teacher, do you realize that in saying these things you’re insulting us?” 46 He said, “Yes, and I can be even more explicit. You’re hopeless, you religion scholars! You load people down with rules and regulations, nearly breaking their backs, but never lift even a finger to help. 47 “You’re hopeless! You build tombs for the prophets your ancestors killed. 48 The tombs you build are monuments to your murdering ancestors more than to the murdered prophets. 49 That accounts for God’s Wisdom saying, ‘I will send them prophets and apostles, but they’ll kill them and run them off.’ 50 What it means is that every drop of righteous blood ever spilled from the time earth began until now,. 51 from the blood of Abel to the blood of Zechariah, who was struck down between altar and sanctuary, is on your heads. Yes, it’s on the bill of this generation and this generation will pay. 52 “You’re hopeless, you religion scholars! You took the key of knowledge, but instead of unlocking doors, you locked them. You won’t go in yourself, and won’t let anyone else in either.” 53 As soon as Jesus left the table, the religion scholars and Pharisees went into a rage. They went over and over everything he said, 54 plotting how they could trap him in something from his own mouth.

~C

Ok there has been something on my mind since Sunday, I over heard a person describing our Journey, our walk with Christ and each other, I didn’t know at that moment why it tasted sour but it just did. This is how the person described it :

VISUAL:
———————————————————————-Person A—————————————————————————————— GOD
———————-Person B ——————————————————————————————————————————————GOD
—Person C ————————————————————————————————————————————————————-GOD
————————————————————————————————————————————————Person D —————-GOD
—————————————————————-Person E ————————————————————————————————GOD
————————————————————————————————–Person F ————————————————————- GOD
————————————————————————–Person G ————————————————————————————- GOD
——————————————————————————————————Person H ———————————————————-GOD

The person Said using their hands to show the scail from top to bottom, ” We are all on the same Journey, you know walking out life together, Some of us are up here in our Journey,” the person raising their hand up high above their head, ” And then there are some that are here, new in their Journey.” Now lowing their hand down by their side. Now raising their hand to their chest level they said, ” And most of us are right here right in the middle.”

I couldn’t help but to think that it was wrong, Someone is always at the bottom and some one is always at the top, and then there is this safe comfortable zone right in the middle. For all of the Donald Miller fans, this sounded all to much like the LIFE BOAT theory, and there is NO God in the Life Boat. It is like it is ingrained in us to constantly compare ourselves to each other, I heard a person the other day comparing their gifts and talents to someone else with the same gifts and talents, saying how whorable the other person was and how they played them selves up to be something great. But all I heard was this person building themselves up because they secretly had no confidence in them self. I am not trying to make it like I am above all of the comparing, I struggle with it daily and I hate it! I am constantly comparing myself to those who I feel superior to for some reason or another, it makes me sick when God decides to hold up that mirror. SO any how , God finally spoke to my heart Tuesday morning about this Journey and what it really looks like.

When we are comparing ourselves to eachother, then yes, one is always higher than another, however Christ says to not worry about the other and to just look at our own junk, to compare ourselves to HIM, to seek to be like HIM.

Just think about it for a minute, Say you have this huge revelation one morning, God reveals something to you, and when you really look at it it usually falls along the lines of one of the fruits of the spirit (love, peace, gentleness, patience, goodness, self-control, kindness, & Faithfulness). We usually get all excited about what we have been given, but put it in context of the rest of our life and measuring it up to ALL the fruits of the Spirit it doesn’t move us any higher or any further along, but rather EVEN. What I am trying to say is that God is doing something different in each of us, working on something different in each of us all at the SAME TIME as we walk out life together, none are better or more mature, because if God is working on us with LOVE and all the sudden we begin to produce fruit of LOVE there is still 7 other areas in our life that are lacking that other people are being trained up in, so your lack may be their strength and your strength may be their lack. We all have lack and we all have strength so when you look at this Journey for what it really is , walking out life together there is none greater or mature than the next, we are all walking it out just as equal. If we see a person with major fruit in their life it isn’t maturity that we see but it is more of God that we see, it is less of them not more.

So God gave me a visual of this Journey in Context of GOD :

—–Person a ———————————————————————————————————————————————– God
—-Person b ———————————————————————————————————————————————— God
—-Person c ———————————————————————————————————————————————— God
—–Person d ———————————————————————————————————————————————– God
—–Person e ———————————————————————————————————————————————— God
——Person f ———————————————————————————————————————————————— God
—–Person g ———————————————————————————————————————————————— God
—–Person h ———————————————————————————————————————————————— God

So lets walk out life together

~C

I have been having a hard time, I started reading a book a few days ago, JESUS FREAKS by DC Talk, the book is full of hundreds of stories of men and women all over the world for the past 2000 years who have risked and given their lives to fallow Jesus. There was one women in the early 1500’s who stood out to me, she was a very beautiful young women, a maid, who loved and fallowed Jesus, with out have ever even seeing Him with her own eyes. A group of men from the government of the town she lived in came to the home that worked and lived, they had heard rumor of bibles in the home, in her country it was illegal to have a bible and the punishment if caught with one was death. The men rushed in, they had found a bible and began to interrogate the family that she worked for asking whose bible this was. The young woman stepped forward and said “I am the one who reads it.” The family insisted that she was confused, she owned the book but never read it, then the women said firmly, “This is my bible and it is my dearest possession.” She was taken away and sentenced to death by suffocation, she was placed in a hole in the wall of a building and she was to be bricked over, sealed in where she would die a slow death. Several times while beginning bricking her in the officials pleaded with her, “If you just say that you do not believe we will let you go free.” Her response was, “Jesus died for me, and I will die for Him!” Then the last brick was laid.

So I have been having a hard time reading these stories, not because I am overwhelmed with grief for their torturous deaths, but I am having a hard time with how spoiled I am, how spoiled the entire United States is. This book, Jesus Freaks, is not a book of die hard Christians, but it is a book of REAL Christians, these stories are stories of people who GOT IT! They are stories of people who truly Know Christ.

I was watching TV last night; you know how when you get to about 9pm there is nothing on so you just kind of flip through the channels, well that was Josh and I last night. Josh left for a moment to do something so I kept flipping, I stopped on one of those “Christian” channels, and I just watched. To be honest it made me sick to my stomach. These Christian channels are broadcasted all over the world, seen by millions of people, and millions of people are learning all about Jesus from the fruit of the people on these channels. The people that have been chosen to represent me and every other Christian and even worse Christ Himself, are furthest from what I know to be Christ. All I see is big hair, layers of makeup, gold chairs, (HA! As if Christ has ever sat in a Gold chair) and then there is this fake lifeless holy talk that probably was the worst of it for me. Those people aren’t real, I don’t even think that they know what a real person looks like. Hey and I know that it is not their fault, they are who they are because that is all that they know, When you know better you do better. I am beginning to see that it is not their fault at all, the people on the Christian channels, they are paid to be who they are, and lost in all that money they have lost Truth, and worst of all they, Probably most of them, have lost their freedom and peace in Christ if they have ever truly known it. So it is not their fault it is ours, being the people who get it, the ones who truly know Christ. We are so worried about what other people will think of us that we Hide Christ in our homes, in our heads and in our hearts.

So I just keep thinking about this young woman who was willing to be tortured and killed by suffocation to keep Christ ALIVE, I want to be her, I want to do what it takes to Keep Christ ALIVE.

~C

Ok ,so I’m up! Tomorrow I am suppose to share my story with our Mom’s Village, I thought I had it nailed, I could easily jot down all the details and circumstances of my life, read it off my list to them and then do the all expected salvation story. I accepted Christ and My life changed and now I am so different, now i am happy, and everything is wonderful. For real, I was really going to do that, what a chicken! But I don’t know, I just kept hitting this wall, God was so not going to let me do that. So He has slowly taken me through the book of Matthew this week, I read from The Message, WOW, I have been blown away. The Message really draws you in, and I have found myself unable to walk away, Seriously, I am not kidding. I still have no idea what I will share or what i will say, every day I am being pulled to another area of my life, my story, of who i really am, and it is so hard and most of the time it hurts really bad. Yet with each pull the weight of the massive burden i have carried begins to slip off, and more and more of my heart becomes free from satan’s grip. I think that I have cried more this week then I have cried in months, God is moving , and even in the midst of brokenness I find rest.

~C